For you peeps that want and need some dating advice, here are some of the most useful tips. (Please feel the humor and don’t take offense!) These tips are sure to help you snatch up a significant other for the holiday season. 

First of all, you need to make sure you don’t stank. Second, don’t eat garlic before you go out:  that is one way to scare off the vampire you are on a date with. Don’t be tooting, because I can guarantee they will be scooting. 

You most definitely need to stalk all his social media, find out when his birthday is, what his mama’s and dad’s names are, how many siblings he has, and anything else you can find. You can never come off as too strong. If he says, “Oh my gosh, how do you know so much about me?” Just smile and say you did your research. And if he runs,  run after him–he is the love of your life, so don’t let him get away. Be that person who turns up the music too loud (you don’t want the neighbors to hear his complaints from the basement). 

Oh! And another thing–make sure you keep those feelings bottled up. That way, when he makes  you mad, you can be even madder and explode on him: KAPOW!!! 

If all this is too much, only date a guy you do not like; that way you will not fall for him. To make sure he will not fall for your crazy-eyed self, don’t take care of your personal hygiene.

Make sure you cheat on him all the time. He  won’t care if he actually loves you. And if he cares too much, then just ditch him. Not caring speaks louder than words. Caring is too restricting; by not caring you have freedom, but with that all-important relationship label.